A lovely commentee (yes, there is such a word if you must know! no, I didn’t check, I just know. Ok, might have made it up) sent me the following article in response to my housewifely ramblings, pointing out that this is what would be expected of me where I actually to be leading my fantasy 1950s life:
I know I should read it and exclaim in horror at the oppression of our foresisters (again, might have made that word up) but it actually seems fairly sensible to me, on most points anyway. Cooking the dinner, cleaning etc in advance of him coming home – I do that. Ridding the house of noise such as the hoover/washing machine by the time he arrives home, yes I do that, because by that point I’m usually lying on the carpet watching Deal or No Deal with AB, both of us having entirely run out of energy for the day and the idea of starting any noisy chores is a bit of a joke, besides which we would miss the banker’s latest offer.
I started reading it expecting to be shocked but I realised I was already doing most of it, except sending him upstairs to bed on arrival home, because then the gourmet dinner I had lovingly prepared would be cold, so that makes no sense.
One glaring omission from my housewife day though is my favourite: “put a ribbon in your hair and be a little gay.” This I don’t do. This I will be trying tonight. How gay, exactly, am I expected to be, though? Can I be gay from the comfort of my own carpet? Can I just lift my head and say “I’m free” and then lie down again? Or do I have to attempt a full on Duncan Norvelle routine and ask Ant to chase me? Only that seems to me to be a bit of a contradiction of the rules, given that he’s had a hard day at work and will need to relax etc, and I’m supposed to be speaking in a “low, soft and soothing voice.”
To be fair, it does say “a little gay”, hinting that a can can might be out of the question. Perhaps a joke, delivered from a horizontal position on the carpet, might suffice. Anyone know any good ones?