Nosebleed Girl FTW

Since becoming a mum I am, like most mums I imagine, more of a homebody than before. And as such, I  get excited about different things. I can still really dig a nice pair of shoes and a few hundred cocktails, but right now the top thrill of my life is the new series of America’s Next Top Model. Obviously, it’s not to everyone’s taste, so each to their own etc, but if you don’t think ANMT is worthy of excitement, you are, in fact, wrong.

Tyra Banks is back and all like formidable and stuff. She gets to say whatever she likes to these poor girls because when she gets real nasty she merely waits a few seconds afterwards, and then tells them she was just testing them to see how they reacted under pressure. Example from last night:

Model: “I collect pens! Look, here’s one in the shape of some pizza!”

Tyra: “I aint interested in your pens!! these pens won’t make you into a top model!! Now name me five models working today!”

Model: “um…oh…uh…Christy Turlington?”

Tyra: “NO!!! she aint working!!!!! No go away and put your swimsuit on!!!

On the poor girl’s return, Tyra serenely explains that she’d been hard because the modelling industry is hard and you need to be able to handle it. And if you can’t handle it, you better GO HOME! Then follows, as usual, a long story about Tyra, when Tyra was starting out and she was homesick etc etc…Basically she says whatever she likes to these poor girls because she has been so successful in building up her kindly mentor role that when she is really nasty, she pretends she is testing the models, so nobody notices. But I notice, Tyra. I notice.

Of course, it’s only a matter of time before Tyra wheels out an ANTM stalwart: her mum. Tyra’s mum turns up in every series, usually with a big ole fanfare from Tyra: ‘This here’s ma momma! My momma supported me in the early days…etc….[insert generic story about Tyra’s early career here]”…while all the girls try to look surprised, even though none of them are since they’ve watched the previous 5 million series so they are well aware of Tyra’s momma and everything she has to say.

It’s the same every time and I love it. There is nothing that compares to ANTM, especially not Britain’s Next Top Model, which is OK but has Lisa Snowdon instead of the great TB, and while she seems very nice and all, she is no Tyra Banks. Nobody is, which is kinda the point of the show.

You might think, since there are always ANTM reruns to be found during the day, that a new series wouldn’t be that thrilling. WRONG, especially as this series has a new, fabulous feature in the form of Nosebleed Girl. Nosebleed Girl looks like an uncooked biscuit and, as you may have gathered, simply loves a good nosebleed. She is really weird and a brilliant breath of fresh air amongst all the other princessy contestants. love the idea of this oddball being America’s Next Top Model. Come on, Nosebleed Girl!!

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