It should come as no surprise that I sometimes, occasionally, turn the TV on during the day. And as such I am subject to advertising that is aimed at people who are at home during the day. These people, it would seem, have a hell of a lot of gold hanging around the house since I am continually being subjected to orthodontically superior beings, urging me send them my unwanted gold jewellery, TODAY!! QUICK!!!! Cos, apparently gold is currently worth like a million pounds a gram or something and if we don’t act now it will drop to minus pence within a matter of hours. Anyhoo, my perpetual lack of interest in anything the daytime TV adsters were trying to sell me all changed yesterday, when I saw an advert on daytime TV for something I actually wanted. I mean really wanted, in an I must have that or I will die way, rather than a that looks OK, might see if they have it in Tescos way.
It was so good that I actually – seriously – rewound the TV to look at the advert again (check me out, showing off about my fancy TV service). It was as good as I thought. Are you ready for this? It is a blanket with sleeves, AKA The Snuggie. Yes, that’s right. A blanket with sleeves. Just drink in the glory of that for a while. Oooooh, the comfort.
And lucky you, the advert in question is actually there on the website for your immediate enjoyment! Look at that poor woman, struggling with a mere blanket to keep her warm. Things are bad enough but then the phone rings! She can’t answer it, because her hands are under the blanket!! Quelle dommage!! If only there was such a thing as a blanket with sleeves. Oh wait, there is! There’s the Snuggie! A blanket you can do stuff in!
So obviously this is the most amazing thing ever, and I am straight (seriously) on the internet to look for one. Amazon came up with the goods immediately. Sweet! But imagine my surprise when browsing the reviews (incidentally, one Snuggie reviewer had called herself “Party all the time.” Really, love? You party ALL the time? Only the product you are reviewing suggests otherwise. Just saying). One review of the product offered a superior alternative! By this point I am beside myself that this product exists at all let alone has a better version. Who knew the sleeved blanket industry was so vast?
So, off I go to check out this all singing all dancing sleeved blanket. This one is called the Snug Rug and appears to be modelled by Nana Mouskouri. Nothing wrong with that, I’m sure Nana likes to snuggle up in a nice sleeved blanket at the end of a tiring world tour (of Athens). Right, I thought, I’ll get that one instead then. But just a minute! Hold your horses, for – unbelievably- there is yet another superior sleeved blanket being offered in the reviews! How far can we go with this? How much better can they get?
This one is called – wait for it – The Slanket. Check out those crazy kids in their cozy Slankets! The one in brown looks a bit like a monk, but he don’t care!! He can answer the phone AND stay warm!
Within a matter of minutes I had gone from sheer joy to utter confusion. Just how many sleeved blankets are there in the world? What if I buy the wrong one and spend my evenings regretting my choice, struggling with an inferior version? What if the phone doesn’t even ring?? I typed “sleeved blanket” into Google and a million choices pinged back at me, including a Wikipedia entry for Sleeved Blanket, wich helpfully informs us that a Sleeved Blanket is “a body length blanket with sleeves.” Wow, thanks for that.
Needless to say I haven’t ordered a thing. In fact, I’m starting to wonder if a sleeved blanket is such a great idea anyway. I mean, why stop at sleeves? Why not legs? What if I wanted to dance a can can whilst watching Prison Break reruns? Am I supposed to just accept that my legs will get cold?? Why isn’t there a blanket with legs?? You know what’s coming, don’t you…..there is. Or at leat, there will be, if this amazing inventor gets her way. A blanket! with legs!! I for one am particularly impressed by the complex technical illustration that has been used to demonstrate this invention. Put me on the waiting list!