Celebrity Div Of The Week

I can't bring myself to write a sarky caption here due to Denise looking utterly gorgeous. Bitch.

Oh, Denise. Denise, Denise, Denise. Are you looking at me? Look at me. I am putting my tongue in my bottom lip and going “mmnnnmm” at you. What were you thinking with your “I’m going back to work as soon as I’ve delivered the placenta” interview in Closer mag (yes, OK,  I was reading Closer mag. Got a problem?).

Honestly, have you never picked up a magazine in your life? Can you seriously be unaware of the no-win situation all preggars slebs find themselves in? Take too long off and you’ve let yourself go, you’re struggling to get back to your pre-baby weight, you’ve got PND, you never really had a baby at all, your baby is hideously deformed. Go back to work too soon and you are a heartless, callous witch who only cares about herself and has probably only seen her baby twice.

Why say anything at all? Why not just say you don’t know? Because let me tell you love, you don’t. Just because you are keen to design more maternity clothing now, doesn’t mean that you’ll have any inclcination to pick up a pencil once there is a gooey little squirmy thing to stare at all day. By stare I mean continually feed, bath and wipe poo and sick from. But you get the picture. Similarly, a mum to be who is all set to take 4 years off work and spend that time selflessly devoted to the nurturing of her precious bean may well be climbing the walls by day two and desperately planning her escape back to the rat race. You just don’t know, so best keep shtum, eh love. Btw is that how you spell shtum?? Um..schtum, chtum…er, no. I have no idea.

Other Denise Van Outen Pregnancy Related News

When the little one arrives, I’m betting that we’ll be seeing this headline: Denise Pops One Outen. Remember, folks, you read it here first.

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